Hi. I took some time off this week where I spent some quiet time by myself. I felt the need to do this because I’d noticed I’d been carrying some inner pressure that was in the way of my peace of mind. Upon investigating, I realized my heart and mind were feeling some general fear. It wasn’t specific about anything. It felt like something bad could happen, but I didn’t know what. That’s the most difficult kind of fear because you can’t do anything to protect yourself from what’s not actually there.
What I did to help myself was to sit with the fear and not do anything. Sometimes I laid down and did the same thing. In the quiet, I felt that afraid feeling with a curiosity. Since there wasn’t anything actually threatening happening to me, I could take that intimate and open look. I noticed the fear was intense. It felt like an alarm going off in me, “Beware! Beware!” It was thrilling to experience. I was a little scared, but I also felt a great freedom.
Watching and experiencing the fear sensation reduced its intensity. Because it was a curious look, I began to feel peace overtake the fear. I was answering the alarm by giving it my attention. It felt like the alarm felt heard, and could stop. When the alarm stopped, my body, heart and mind felt a deep peace and relaxation. I felt some exhaustion because living with fear for a while had taxed my body. I ended up taking some really good naps.
Later on I thought that the fears were remnants from living near the big fires that had occurred in the neighboring town of Santa Rosa a few weeks ago. That was a scary time and it had still been echoing in my body and mind. But now that the fires are over, it’s safe, and was valuable for me to take the time to heal myself.