The other day I wrote a blog post about purpose and all that, and I felt like my heart opened up. I really felt I wrote a beautiful piece. And I thought, “I can’t wait to share it with people! Everyone will love this one!”
But it didn’t have a big share ratio, and it didn’t go viral. I felt a little disappointed.
I feel weird saying these feelings out loud, because I didn’t think I wrote blog posts to get love. And I certainly don’t like this aspect of the internet — the one that has us all asking, “how many likes did I get?” Yet, still I was aware of the feeling of wanting love for my work.
I had this thought that basically I’m a creative entertainer. I write songs, stories, stand-up, blog posts, books. That’s what I do. I write stuff and share it or perform it.
I realized that it’s not like I can turn off wanting the applause. I’m an entertainer, it’s what makes me flow. Applause is the juice in the machine.
I imagined someone else looking at me, saying matter-of-factly, “Brooks likes applause, that’s part of who he is. Let him enjoy the applause. Let him want the applause. Let him get hurt from not getting it.” Just hearing those sentences made me relax deeply.
There’s relief in accepting my nature. There’s such kindness there — I can’t erase that part of myself, the part that wants to be liked. If I didn’t enjoy creating, I could just not create. But I live for it. I am built for this kind of creative entertaining life, so it feels best to just accept that I want applause, I want to be loved through my work.
Some moments will be sad, some will be happy, and I’ll forget about it until the next thing happens. But anything is better than denying my nature.
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